I Think I Know At Least in Part What God Has Planned for Me in North Dakota

Today I found out that a classmate from college is going to teach in Mandaree. I told her about the job, she applied and they hired her. Then we talked more. She is 22 a year younger than my youngest son. This will be her first year teaching and first year living on her own. Moving to North Dakota where she knows no one. Sound familiar? Well, we discussed what could be less scary for her and that would be if she could room with me at least temporarily. So I will have a new roommate at least temporarily.

I am actually excited about this. I usually do not want a roommate because I need solitude. I don't like showing my dark side to people. Few people including my family have truly seen me angry. I try very hard not to be around people at times when I am having my darker mood swings because I don't feel the want to hurt people or spew out my disgusting stuff on other people in a moment of yucky emotion. I am very empathetic and when I hurt people it hurts me. I also am very set in my ways and don't usually like to share space. But last year I had lots of time to be alone and I realized when I went to Oregon I have been very lonely.

Plus I know how scary and overwhelming this year is going to be for her. So I am happy to take her under my wing and share in her big adventure. I hope she fits in well and enjoys it here. I will enjoy having her here and I have high hopes for this year of school. I will find out the first part of August what grade I will be teaching and in my ideal world I will get the fifth grade and she will get the fourth grade and we will be across the hall from each other and we can help and vent and rejoice together.

I have to get busy though because she needs her own space so I need to clean out my art/sewing room and give it to her. Unless we get a dining room table I may set up my art/sewing room in the dining room or not. Anyway it goes I need to condense so she can have space. I am not giving up the garage that is where my baby (Celest the Saturn) sits when it cold outside or too snowy. Cant have my baby getting cold.

I am thinking about getting a small portable hot tub. Then we can sit in it when it is cold and we are worn out and had it to relax and rejuvenate. But how do I move it when I go? I don't think there is a good resale value on used hot tubs.

I did attach pics on a beautiful day in my neighborhood.

I'm Back

Sorry you have not heard from me for awhile. I went to Oregon and I have just returned for anouther year of teaching in North Dakota. Right now I am depressed and having trouble adjusting to being back. This is not what I had hoped for to tell the truth. But I am surrendered to God and He does know best and has a plan. I just wish He would include me in the why and what am I suppose to do a little more. Maybe I am not as receptive as I should be. Looking into that thought.

It was a very long drive home (North Dakota). One of the things I realized makes this so hard on me is that I am so alone here. I spent a month rooming with my old roommate and best friend. It felt so like home. I do like my own space and solitude but I sure have too much of it in North Dakota. I have friends but not like my best friend who I have known literally forever. We like to do almost all the same things and we do a lot together. Here I do a whole lot of things by myself. Not as much fun.

I am hoping for the abilty to drop to a lower grade to teach this year. I would love the fifth grade and the fifth grade teacher did not come back this year. I emailed a request to my principle to get the job but he is not coming back either. I just found out they have been interviewing for the fifth grade so I am going to talk with the superintendent on Monday in hopes that I can still get the job. Keep me in your prayers.

Another thing I think makes it hard for me here is that I realized an adventure which is suppose to be exciting, fun and scary (according to the movies) is mostly scary and challenging and last more that a few hours, weeks, or years. I am hoping for a more possitive adventure this year. I am trying to change my attitude so I don't just get through but learn to enjoy at least some of this year.

Native Life

A special "Sky lantern" they are lit, fill with hot air and it floats off. The pic on the left is them taking the colors.

I am exhausted. My Native friend who took my under her wing and shared her grandchildren with me, invited me to a memorial service for a friend who lost her son three years ago in Iraq. That means I get up early and go to my friends house and spend three hours frying bread for everyone that was planned to be there. Then we shower because you smell like grease and change and drive down to the grave site. Unlike in Oregon, North Dakotans bury their dead on their property. It was a beautiful, quiet place in the country.

They had guest speakers and members from each military service there. They had traditional food. I have had great experiences when it comes to traditional foods. First, when you go to a Native's house you are given food and something to drink. You cannot turn it down because it would be an insult. They believe that giving food and drink to their guests is to give them good health. SO I learned real early not to eat if I am going to a traditional Natives house. SO if they offer you native dishes you have to eat them. That said, I have eaten buffalo tongue, buffalo kidney, wonderful soups made with chunks of dried meat and squash, and today I had snipe soup. Snipe is cow stomach. YUCK, it does not look to bad and the taste is kinda okay. (Side bar to those who don't know I love sushi and sushimi. My favorite is raw tuna and raw halibut). But the texture and the chewiness is terrible.

Oh how they laugh at me. I try to be real polite with all these natives watching me and not make a face or gag as I eat what it placed before me. I have learned to make good fry bread though. If I keep going to traditional meals with Native Americans I am going to loose a lot of weight. At least the peppermint tea was good and the deserts were worth the snipe.

Now for the part that really ticks me off. There is a radical and I repeat radical Baptist church that is going around picketing the funerals and memorials of soldiers. I think they are protesting the war but I am not sure. They have been banned from the reservation so we have been saved the heartache. There is also a motorcycle club that escort families and block protesters from access of the funerals in North Dakota. The motor cycle club was there at our memorial, they had ridden up to ensure there was no problems since we were on the edge of the reservation.

As most of you know, my oldest son served as a Marine and I am extremely proud of his service. I am also a major patriot. My son and those who have served in the arm forces laid down all they had for the freedom that the people of this country enjoy and sometimes take for granted. There is a time and a place for everything and the time to protest the war is not at a fallen warriors funeral. Enough said I am now stepping off my soap box.

Time for Summer

I can not believe summer is finally here. At times, I thought I would never make it. But with God and a lot of prayers I made it. Now I have a ton of material to read for next year. I am applying for jobs in Oregon. I have till June 7 before I sign my contact here. I hope to be able to move back home this year, but it is all up to God. Waiting on him is very difficult. I have my ups and downs, lately mostly downs.

I have been trying to relax and unwind while I wait for news on whether I stay or go. I have included my Zen tangles. They are doodles that help to reduce stress. It is also a nice creative outlet for me.

If I don't move this summer, I plan on having a road trip to Kansas to visit cousins and then to drive to Oregon stopping at spots of interest on the way. Then back here to plan for next year. Hopefully being able to plan ahead will help next year go a little smoother.

Four more school days left

North Dakota lawnmower Badlands Beautiful deer posing for me

It is almost done. This year of mine that has been very difficult and I would like to say rewarding but it is too soon to tell. I am tired and pour out. I only survive by the grace of God. I am hoping and praying to return home to Oregon this year. I am waiting on God. Easier said than done. It is hard to wait when there is only silence and waiting is all you can do. It finally stopped snowing and raining and it is warming up. The grass is green but the only flowers around are dandelions. Never thought I'd find beauty in those weeds.

On my way home from grocery shopping I had to stop and take a couple of pictures of the badlands close to where I live. I also took pictures of the North Dakota lawn mower. I hope to be home to visit if I don't get to move home this year.

God is Amazing

I am awestruck on how well God has protected me. Easter weekend, I and a friend went back down to South Dakota to enjoy the peace that can be found in a house in the middle of nowhere. On our way it began to snow. It was not that much snow as we drove through it, I remember it because we were talking about the fact that it was snow like in Oregon. You in Oregon know what I mean, big, wet flakes swirling and floating down. North Dakota mostly has the very dry powdery snow. After a five minute discussion and about an eight minute drive in the snow, the snow was forgotten. On our way back four days later it was dry with no sign of snow.

The next night, I was listening to the news and those fat snowflakes did a lot of damage. We were driving through the front of the storm. It snowed for about eight minutes and the snow got so heavy that it took out 12,000 power lines. Eighteen days later and there are still 600 miles of power lines to be fixed and about 500 houses still without power. This happened about a four hour drive from Mandaree. What amazes me is that if we had been about 2 or 3 minutes slower we would have been stuck in a blizzard and stranded in snow. Instead we barely even saw the flakes. God has always been good to me. He just keeps underlining it for in the news and other avenues.

Talking about God always being good, I have 22 more school days left. I cannot believe that I have made it. I am almost finished from my first and I hope most difficult teaching year. I have had some joys and lots of trials and heartaches. But God did as promised and saw me through the whole thing. Now I face kids that are as excited as I am to be out of school so they are bouncing off the walls (sometimes literally). The weather it beautiful. It is sunny and in the seventies with a nice breeze though the wind can be very strong here. In fact, last week the wind was blowing so hard it made the East Wind at the Gorge look and feel like a light breeze. We are suppose to be getting a rain and thunder storms this weekend.

Spring is very different here. There are no flowering trees bursting with color or flowers like daffodils and crocus. Just green grass. The trees have not even began to leaf out yet. Very different than I am use to. But I am not complaining, the snow is gone and I have almost thawed out. I just wish the school would turn off the boiler so my heater would stop radiating heat. I have an upstairs room with large, east facing windows. Then I now have sixteen students to help generate more heat. I come into my classroom at 7:30 am and it is 75+ degrees. I throw open the windows (I have two that can be opened) and turn on the fan and air conditioner that does not work as well as it should. SO I have a fan and air conditioner on and windows open and a heater running. We could probably cut utilities in our budget a lot if they would just turn off the boiler. I do not know who is cold but I do know no one on the second floor is.

I have put several applications into schools in Oregon. Including one that would be a dream job for me on the Coast by Astoria and another in Coos Bay. I think I would really love to settle in one of those towns and jobs. Living on the Coast has been my dream since I first saw the ocean when I was thirteen. But I am surrendered to God and He has my best in mind. So I will accept what His plans are for my future. I do reserve the right to make requests and I have those in. I hope to know whether I go or stay soon. The not knowing drives me crazy. I have packed a few things I am not using in faith that I will be moving home. It is hard to not go over board and have everything in boxes and eating on paper plates because everything is packed and ready to move home. If I don't move, I will be home to visit this summer. I have a 30 year high school reunion to go to and my grandson turns TWO if you can believe it.

April is almost May

I have six more weeks of school. I am in the home stretch. I only made it through with God. Boy there were some tough times. It will take me some time to figure out all I have learned in this year. I am thankful for the experience but I will be more thankful that when it is over.

I have been putting application in from Oregon teaching jobs and have had no luck so far. I ham putting in an application that I am really hopeful I get. I think it may be my dream job. It is located in Warrenton Oregon. Right next to Astoria. I would be living at the coast as well as teaching in Oregon. It fits all the things I have wanted. Elementary classroom, on the coast (close to my favorite area of Cannon Beach), in Oregon, close to my family, and I already found a church I think I would really like. I am praying that God gives me a job in Oregon but I am also surrendered completely to God.

I was listening on line to this pastor in a Calvary church in Warrenton and he was talking about Psalms 20 and 21. Psalms 20 was a song written by David that was sung before battle and Psalms 21 was sung after battle. In Psalms 20 they sing and rejoice for victory before the battle even starts. Giving all glory to God. I am singing and rejoicing in victory that I will be moving home soon. I have feeling that I am coming home but if I don't come home this year than I know God has a plan and I will be well cared for. I am pretty positive and hopeful that God is going to bring me home this year. I can only leave it in God's hands knowing He can see the whole picture where I can only see a corner. He knows what is in my heart and what is best for me.

Keep me in your prayers. The teachers here say that classroom management gets more difficult the closer we get to the end of the year. Last week was only four days but they were four real tough days. All the expectations and behaviors I established throughout the year was out the window. I am trying to have keep a tight reign but it is getting hard and I am worn out. Only six more weeks. With God I can do six more weeks. I only hope that I have been able to teach these kids something. I don't feel that I have but maybe there is a little glimmer somewhere. I also have had three new students in the last month. They have open enrollment in North Dakota so when the kids get into trouble or don't like the school they are in, they move to another school. It is crazy having new students when the year is almost over. They all seem to be seventh graders too. There is a rumor that more are coming. I hope not I have more than I can handle now.

The snow is gone and the wind is up and it is dry and brown and a major fire hazard. I am looking for rain. Man I miss the rain. That beautiful music tapping on the windows and roofs. A little thunder, a little lightening the soft whisper of raindrops on the grass. The moisture, I feel like a wrinkled raisin. Oh for a good rainstorm.